At this point I'll just happily run towards the military/army to shoot me. I give up, I'm mentally too tired and sick of all this bullshit. I'm not fighting anymore. The only wish I want is whenever i go sleep, to not wake up anymore.
Go outside into the nature, into the sun while it's still summer (in the northern hemisphere at least), read a good book, stop watching TV, cook a good meal, work on yourself, and for the love of god, take a break from the news, even from here if it's having this effect on you.
Nothing drives these demons more mad than people like you or me living fulfilling lives despite their attempts to drag us down to their level. They stew in their hate, locked in their apartments, while we walk around, have fun, and build things. You're doing what they want, you have to resist.
I'm physically active and outside on daily basis. I'm not much on social media, maybe 30 minutes per day, mostly even less. I don't even watch news on any platform or even talk about it. I also hike with my friends. But you know, at some point, all this can't really help you with the realization that you can't travel again or attend music festivals (for music, I don't do drugs or drink much alcohol anyway), or even have a job. But I found out that whenever I'm on my lowest, something really good happens, I just got a job where they do not require any tests/vaccine mandates because they do not support it, I just hope i prove myself and work hard to receive a full-time job contract. Now add I can't sleep much for the past 13 years due to my brother being a "junkee" who doesn't want to go to medical treatment and his behavior affects me huuuge and negatively. I can't complete driving's licence and move on due to that. I couldn't finish college because of it. I'm trying to stay outside as much as possible, but still coming home to toxic environment and do not have a steady income to pack my bags and move away (not yet). I appreciate your message, I really do, but if this means I'll finally have peace inside myself, so be it. I do not want to live or battle when some people think natural immunity/strong immune system is a conspiracy theory, this is just over the line.
That sucks man, but the solution isn't to feel bad about yourself, that's what they want, don't give it to them. Life is a battle, you have to steel yourself and get used to it, being at peace is overrated and it just leads to complacency.
We all have our ups and downs, I'm not some kind of an Ubermensch either and this Covid insanity really got me down at points - I'm drinking way too much now, and I need to hit the gym and lose 20 pounds - but there's no way I'm giving up. There have been times in the last 2 years where I couldn't force myself to do the dishes or wash my bedsheets etc. for an embarassingly long time, but even when that happens, something as small as getting up and finally doing that mountain of dishes can feel like a huge accomplishment. As a certain Kermit the Frog impersonator says, "clean up your room" - it doesn't have to be literally that, but just do something positive even if it seems small and insignificant. Give yourself a small goal, I'm sure there's something you feel like you need to do that you've been putting off for ages - for example, I need to call Mazda and order a new FL wheel bearing, I just don't want to deal with them because they're assholes - and then do it. You'll feel good, even if it's something small.
Anyway, good luck with your new job, I hope it works out for you. Having a place to work that shares your values is great. (Mine really doesn't, it's all diversity this and inclusion that, but they leave me alone and our vax policy is don't ask, don't tell, so I'm happy.)
And sorry to hear about your family and living situation, that's gotta suck. Is it just the two of you living together, or do you live with your parents? If it's with parents, can't they do something about him?
At this point I'll just happily run towards the military/army to shoot me. I give up, I'm mentally too tired and sick of all this bullshit. I'm not fighting anymore. The only wish I want is whenever i go sleep, to not wake up anymore.
Go outside into the nature, into the sun while it's still summer (in the northern hemisphere at least), read a good book, stop watching TV, cook a good meal, work on yourself, and for the love of god, take a break from the news, even from here if it's having this effect on you.
Nothing drives these demons more mad than people like you or me living fulfilling lives despite their attempts to drag us down to their level. They stew in their hate, locked in their apartments, while we walk around, have fun, and build things. You're doing what they want, you have to resist.
I'm physically active and outside on daily basis. I'm not much on social media, maybe 30 minutes per day, mostly even less. I don't even watch news on any platform or even talk about it. I also hike with my friends. But you know, at some point, all this can't really help you with the realization that you can't travel again or attend music festivals (for music, I don't do drugs or drink much alcohol anyway), or even have a job. But I found out that whenever I'm on my lowest, something really good happens, I just got a job where they do not require any tests/vaccine mandates because they do not support it, I just hope i prove myself and work hard to receive a full-time job contract. Now add I can't sleep much for the past 13 years due to my brother being a "junkee" who doesn't want to go to medical treatment and his behavior affects me huuuge and negatively. I can't complete driving's licence and move on due to that. I couldn't finish college because of it. I'm trying to stay outside as much as possible, but still coming home to toxic environment and do not have a steady income to pack my bags and move away (not yet). I appreciate your message, I really do, but if this means I'll finally have peace inside myself, so be it. I do not want to live or battle when some people think natural immunity/strong immune system is a conspiracy theory, this is just over the line.
That sucks man, but the solution isn't to feel bad about yourself, that's what they want, don't give it to them. Life is a battle, you have to steel yourself and get used to it, being at peace is overrated and it just leads to complacency.
We all have our ups and downs, I'm not some kind of an Ubermensch either and this Covid insanity really got me down at points - I'm drinking way too much now, and I need to hit the gym and lose 20 pounds - but there's no way I'm giving up. There have been times in the last 2 years where I couldn't force myself to do the dishes or wash my bedsheets etc. for an embarassingly long time, but even when that happens, something as small as getting up and finally doing that mountain of dishes can feel like a huge accomplishment. As a certain Kermit the Frog impersonator says, "clean up your room" - it doesn't have to be literally that, but just do something positive even if it seems small and insignificant. Give yourself a small goal, I'm sure there's something you feel like you need to do that you've been putting off for ages - for example, I need to call Mazda and order a new FL wheel bearing, I just don't want to deal with them because they're assholes - and then do it. You'll feel good, even if it's something small.
Anyway, good luck with your new job, I hope it works out for you. Having a place to work that shares your values is great. (Mine really doesn't, it's all diversity this and inclusion that, but they leave me alone and our vax policy is don't ask, don't tell, so I'm happy.)
And sorry to hear about your family and living situation, that's gotta suck. Is it just the two of you living together, or do you live with your parents? If it's with parents, can't they do something about him?