It sounds like those prosecutors need to be added to the list. What the fuck is their job even? By the time you're so desperate for closing cases that you plead with the suspect "C'mon man just sign this plea agreement that /technically/ says you're guilty, and we'll let you go! You won't even have a rap sheet. If we're lucky we can call it a day by lunchtime." ... you're not even prosecuting at that point.