My family is... Not a healthy or happy one. I imagine most people know this by now. Yet, for reasons that I honestly do not understand, my parents are still together. Toxic, painful, continuously arguing, but still together...
The same cannot be said for extended family. Divorces everywhere. A number of children out of wedlock. Painful intergenerational relations on both side. Lots of "not talking". Lost of... Honestly, relationships that are far more negative than they are positive. As the black sheep "loser" of the family, I can't tell you how shit my relationship with nearly all my cousins is, right now. I could, I suppose, blame myself for that, but I really don't think it is that simple...
I actually don't think this is that uncommon, where I live. Sure, most people don't have family quite as toxic as my own, however divorce is utterly ubiquitous. Siblings not getting along is probably more common than not. And honestly, it feels like people almost expect families to behave like this - not communicating, not really talking, and generally... Not behaving like civilised adults. At least amongst the majority "white" population, in addition to the "blak" population (among whom it is most definitely even worse, lol), this is... All too common.
Thoughts? What's it like for you lot, where you live? Do you get along with your extended family? Are you close to them? I realise that I am almost certainly an outlier, where my family are fucking shit, in addition to being the "black sheep loser to end all black sheep losers", but... I'm just curious.
I like the idea that "family is the people you choose to include in it", but I am yet to find my... "One". I'm honestly yet to really find anyone. So I don't have that to have as my "core". I'm sure it's very different for those that do. Unfortunately, though, I'm not sure I will ever even find that...
So yeah. Pretty blackpilled about "family", at the moment, after mounting betrayals, I have to be honest. Would appreciate some... Alternative insights, if your life experience differs in that way.
In my life, truth is always a good indicator. Few people start with total honesty, but you know something is going wrong if lies, deceptions, misstatements, or omissions become involved. We live in an era of lies, and so truth is a radical concept, that people try to avoid. Truth forces healthy communication, and an honest assessment of yourself and others. The more you deviate from constant truth, the more of a problem you've created.
That being said, most relationships don't last forever. Relationships typically form when you fit into a specific role that fills a gap in someone's life. As time goes on, you'll move from that gap, or change such that you don't fill that need. At that point, the relationship needs to change, or you need to slowly part. The point is that while you were in it, you conducted yourself well, and honestly.
Some people will destroy their relationships with you. That's kind of on them, and you shouldn't take it too hard. They can't really co-exist with you because of their problems, so you'll have to move on and find a different relationship that covers the gap they used to fill. You'll have to know when they aren't worth keeping anymore.
I've found that though honesty and integrity keeps you vulnerable, it keeps you generally out of digging your way into trouble, and if you need correcting, you'll have it, but you'll need to acknowledge that you did something wrong, and work to earn back the trust you may have violated.
In short, I've found that being honest, doing the right thing, and taking responsibility if I was wrong was a better way of growing and developing; rather than studying a problem for too long, waiting to act forever, and never actually getting it right.
You will know that a relationship is working with both parties are benefiting, and the effort to maintain is basically equal to the benefits you receive.
I know it's vague, but you didn't give me too many specifics.