My family is... Not a healthy or happy one. I imagine most people know this by now. Yet, for reasons that I honestly do not understand, my parents are still together. Toxic, painful, continuously arguing, but still together...
The same cannot be said for extended family. Divorces everywhere. A number of children out of wedlock. Painful intergenerational relations on both side. Lots of "not talking". Lost of... Honestly, relationships that are far more negative than they are positive. As the black sheep "loser" of the family, I can't tell you how shit my relationship with nearly all my cousins is, right now. I could, I suppose, blame myself for that, but I really don't think it is that simple...
I actually don't think this is that uncommon, where I live. Sure, most people don't have family quite as toxic as my own, however divorce is utterly ubiquitous. Siblings not getting along is probably more common than not. And honestly, it feels like people almost expect families to behave like this - not communicating, not really talking, and generally... Not behaving like civilised adults. At least amongst the majority "white" population, in addition to the "blak" population (among whom it is most definitely even worse, lol), this is... All too common.
Thoughts? What's it like for you lot, where you live? Do you get along with your extended family? Are you close to them? I realise that I am almost certainly an outlier, where my family are fucking shit, in addition to being the "black sheep loser to end all black sheep losers", but... I'm just curious.
I like the idea that "family is the people you choose to include in it", but I am yet to find my... "One". I'm honestly yet to really find anyone. So I don't have that to have as my "core". I'm sure it's very different for those that do. Unfortunately, though, I'm not sure I will ever even find that...
So yeah. Pretty blackpilled about "family", at the moment, after mounting betrayals, I have to be honest. Would appreciate some... Alternative insights, if your life experience differs in that way.
No, family disintegration is not the norm in society. The issue is that western civilization has completely demoralized, and the institutions are pushing anti-moralization, which is why the Christians are referring to it as "Satanic" and "Demonic". That's what those words mean from their perspective.
I've been talking about this stuff a lot. Fundamentally, we no longer know the basic foundations of how to build lasting relationships that are intimate and healthy. Our culture has been completely corrupted by Leftist presuppositions, which means that since all of our premises are wrong, all of our conclusions are going to be jacked.
I've only seen a few relationships carry on indefinitely. The success rate is minimal.
However, that doesn't mean that it can't be done, it just means that people don't know how to do it right. They are pre-disposed to fail because society, culture, and institutions have set them up for failure.
The reason toxic people stay together is twofold:
We can ignore the co-depenency part because there's not much to be done about that until they figure it out themselves. They're actually supposed to stay together for the sake of children, but it also requires them to continue to work on the relationship together and not burden the children with their relationship problems. They might argue, but it shouldn't involve the kids, even as older teens.
And yeah, the kids would be better off if the parents stayed together and worked on their problems, while protecting the kids from those problems.
I can't really afford to tell you my whole story, but I can tell you, you ain't no outlier.
No black-pilling.
I can tell you that my Libertarianism comes partly from my own lived experience. I really do try to live my principles, and it's not easy... but it did work. I realized that as I cut genuinely toxic things out of my life, you gain control over things you can manage, and then you build your strength up from there by taking more personal responsibility of what you can handle. It's a hard road, but I think it's the only one once you come to the conclusion that it's not (just) you, but your whole social & family network that's broken.
I can say that my life has improved, but I traded bad inputs for atomization. That's not a bad deal, but atomization is definitely not a good thing, so building that social community is next up on my list.
This is what I mean by wrong presuppositions.
You don't find "the one". That's Leftist bullshit because they think they are perfect, and they are instilling in all of us, the life goals of a 14 year old pretty-pink-princess girl.
You build relationships. You literally construct them from scratch. You don't find any one. You find people that can become your one.
Big difference.
I can't go crazy on detail at the moment, but I'll give you a basic run-down of the order of events.
That is how you get to the point of finding some one to have a relationship with.
Okay, yes, sure, it's a lot of work and you don't do any of it. I didn't either, how do you think I figured it out? I started doing it, it was incredibly difficult, and I'm still working on it.
So yeah, you're an uncivilized, savage, degenerate living in a burning husk of a civilization. Good. It'll make a great story to tell after you've won. Realize that no one's coming to save you, so you have to pick your bootstraps up with your own teeth and hurl yourself into the storm to become stronger, better, and wiser. You will fail repeatedly. Good, that's how you learn.
You are kissed by an iron fist, and you will be sainted by the storm
No black-pilling.
This is what I'm trying to work on now. The problem seems to be that I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like (and few others do either). I was also left on my own while my parents worked from the age of three until starting kindergarden, so I often can't tell if people are behaving normally, socially, or are acting out some kind of negative behaviour instilled by toxic social institutions.
This leads, on several ocasions, to building a relationship only to have it collapse later. Sometimes it's obvious why, but in other it's hard to tell what the problem was because, as you mention, I don't have good presuppositions.
How do you determine what is working and what isn't?
You do know what a healthy relationship looks like. Do you know what it means to be respectful to another person?
The real question is -- do you know how to communicate?
Terrible truth: most people don't know how to communicate properly at all, to anyone. Social media isn't helping with that, either frfr no caps