Inspired by this post.

In the land of U.S. there lived a woman named Jennifer. This woman was blameless and upright; she trusted Science and shunned fundies. She had seven cats and three parakeets, and she owned seven thousand Funko Pops, three thousand Marvel movies, and a 150 square foot studio apartment.

One day, the establishment came to present themselves before The Science, and Fauci came with them. The Science said to Fauci, "Have you seen my servant Jennifer? There is no one on earth like her; she is blameless and upright, a woman who trusts Science and shuns fundies.”

“Does Jennifer trust Science for nothing?” Fauci replied. “Have you not put a hedge around her and her household and everything she has? You have blessed the work of her hands, so that her Funkos and birds are spread throughout the land. But now stretch out your hand and strike everything she has, and she will surely curse you to your face.”

One day when Jennifer was drinking wine alone in her apartment, a messenger came to Jennifer and said "The pandemic has been declared over despite vaccination rates well below what we were told were necessary."

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said "The Science Juice is causing heart attacks and strokes, and I am the only one who has survived to tell you!"

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The research is clear; masks never worked! They're polluting our oceans and rivers and they did nothing!”

While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, “Your doctor just called. The jab gave you Bell's Palsy! You have been injured by a vaccine that was promised to be Safe and Effective!”

At this, Jennifer got on her iPhone 13. Then she opened Twitter in worship and Tweeted:

“Paralyzed I came from my mother’s womb, and paralyzed I will depart. The Science gave and the Science has taken away; may the name of the Science be praised.”

In all this, Jennifer did not sin by charging Science with wrongdoing.