In the last few days, I’ve become really, really Ill with something. Some of you will know of my mental struggles, and that I wasn’t exactly in “peak physical condition” even before this, but this is the sickest I’ve probably ever been,..
Certainly it’s the most medical treatment I’ve had in years, and, by the end, it’ll be just about the second-most time I’ve spent in and out of hospital… It’s fucking terrible. And if certain doctors are right, my quality of life may have just changed, permanently, just like that. Completely randomly…
To put it into perspective, I can barely read this, now, as I write it. I can barely read your posts. I can’t spell, now, and my cognitive… Abilities, are way off. But it’s the sight that most concerns me, and knowing that, if what I have been told is right, my whole life may have just changed…
Consequently, I just don’t… Care. I don’t care about Baldwin. I care about the woman who was called, and the director, but I don’t… Care about pinning down fault. I don’t care that my country has just sacked a cartoonist for criticisong the government. I don’t care that everything is going to shit, in the western world. I’m dying. I just… I don’t have time, or energy, to fight those battles anymore.
So… I’m right here with you, and I support your battles, guys. I support fighting back. But right now, I can barely write a grammatically-correct paragraph, or even just… Function. I can’t work. I can’t drive.
So you have to fight this for me, now. Keep up the fight.
And if this DOES progress, and I, I dunno, decide “Fuck it, I may as well become a Paralympian now”, and I make it to Paris or something, I’ll keep you posted, lol.
Fuck, it physically hurt to type that out on my phone. That’s how sick I am. 😔
RipMe.
I was just thinking: if anyone else reads this, probably the best thing you can do to help is not to worry about me too much (though look for your local MS charity, if you want. They could always do with more support!), but honestly, look after your own health, and look after the people around you, and your community.
I’m not that unhealthy, really. I’m not old. I’m not that overweight. I try to look after myself. And yet, this has happened to me, and my life has totally changed, potentially for some time, completely randomly and without provocation, over the course of less than a week.
So please, look after yourselves, and your loved ones. If this can happen to me, like this, it can probably happen to almost anyone. Watch out for it.
And also, live your life to the fullest, as I’ve already said. Because you never know when you’re gonna lose the ability to see colour, or read a book, or spell, or drive a car, or sleep properly, or play a game, or watch a movie. You just… Never know. So make the most of what you have, who you have around you, and the abilities you have, while you have them. Do that for me.
Cheers, and best wishes. And thanks for all your kind thoughts. Genuinely. 🙂
In case you get enough energy back to get bored but your eyesight's still recovering, there's a hell of a lot of good audio book recordings out there, especially if there's some old classics you've never got around to reading. I find audio books too slow usually, but that might be a positive if you're still kind of wiped out.
And there are a small few games tailored to the visually impaired too, like this one (forgive the maybe tactless name), although I take no responsibility for how trippy things might get playing a eyes-closed game whilst potentially whacked out on steroids and whatever other drugs.