In the last few days, I’ve become really, really Ill with something. Some of you will know of my mental struggles, and that I wasn’t exactly in “peak physical condition” even before this, but this is the sickest I’ve probably ever been,..
Certainly it’s the most medical treatment I’ve had in years, and, by the end, it’ll be just about the second-most time I’ve spent in and out of hospital… It’s fucking terrible. And if certain doctors are right, my quality of life may have just changed, permanently, just like that. Completely randomly…
To put it into perspective, I can barely read this, now, as I write it. I can barely read your posts. I can’t spell, now, and my cognitive… Abilities, are way off. But it’s the sight that most concerns me, and knowing that, if what I have been told is right, my whole life may have just changed…
Consequently, I just don’t… Care. I don’t care about Baldwin. I care about the woman who was called, and the director, but I don’t… Care about pinning down fault. I don’t care that my country has just sacked a cartoonist for criticisong the government. I don’t care that everything is going to shit, in the western world. I’m dying. I just… I don’t have time, or energy, to fight those battles anymore.
So… I’m right here with you, and I support your battles, guys. I support fighting back. But right now, I can barely write a grammatically-correct paragraph, or even just… Function. I can’t work. I can’t drive.
So you have to fight this for me, now. Keep up the fight.
And if this DOES progress, and I, I dunno, decide “Fuck it, I may as well become a Paralympian now”, and I make it to Paris or something, I’ll keep you posted, lol.
Fuck, it physically hurt to type that out on my phone. That’s how sick I am. 😔
RipMe.
Sure, please do. Thanks bud. I genuinely appreciate it. ❤️
Honestly, people keep “reassuring me”, and apparently the drugs for this (MS, possibly) have gotten better, over the last 15 years, so…
I dunno. I’ve tried to keep up a brave face, around other people, today, but I’m scared. Genuinely. So… Yah. Appreciate it!
Oh well. There’s always the Para’s, as I say. I’m glad that exists, at least. 🤷🏻♂️
I hate that it’s possibly MS, though. I’m a man, I’m not supposed to get MS, lol… Fucking annoying, ha.
I'm sorry to hear about what's happening to you, too. I hope you beat whatever's ailing you.
Regarding this bit:
Try to keep up a brave face not for other people, but for yourself. You can't control your physical condition, but you can control your mental state. It's kinda like... did you know that, if you just pretend to be happy, it'll make you genuinely happier? Seriously, it's the craziest thing. Even if you're depressed, you can just fake-smile until you're feeling better. It's literally just "fake it till you make it" and it works - and I suspect being brave will have similar effects. Just say "fuck off, I'm not dying yet". Live out of spite if you have to. You have nothing to lose.