"[Insert number great than 4] people miraculously died on [insert date] in [insert blue city]. It was quite a shock. Witnesses say they were all standing up one moment, and the next, they were on the ground, dead and bleeding profusely from multiple wounds that just appeared from out of nowhere on their bodies. It would be considered a tragedy, but since it appears to be an unexplained phenomenon, everyone agrees that there's nothing to be done about it. It is for that reason why police have not and will not be called to investigate."