Reminds me of a parody commercial where a guy was soliciting advice from a so-called financial guru.

"Do you think I should put my money into the stock market right now?"

"Well if you buy stocks now now then unexpected events can cause your stock to go down over time...but if you don't then you could miss an opportunity to have your personal portfolio increase in value over time. I don't subscribe to the market being either bullish or bearish; it just has ups and downs."

"...oh."