Yes, I know this. It's just that my life is... Not just "not where I would want it to be", but objectively in a worse place than almost literally everyone I know...

Comparison is a terrible adviser. A lot of my friends justify their awfulness by saying that they are better than most people. That really is no excuse. Some people are down on their luck, while others are up on their luck - and the latter group then coasts based on that.

People who have the best lives are not those who coast, but who encounter adversity and overcome it. When you are top dog, there is nowhere to go but down, but when you're down, there's nowhere to go but up.

To the point of embarrassment and shame. Which has led me to become isolated.

I unfortunately know someone like that. There is absolutely no embarrassment or shame in being objectively in a worse place. I think no worse of people who are down on their luck, or even people who squander opportunities, nor does anyone else.

I rarely recommend this to anyone, because I think therapy is generally bunk, and you might think it arrogant for me to give you advice on this, but I really think cognitive-behavioral therapy would do you good. Because this sounds like something you talked yourself into, and someone needs to talk you out of it, to put it crudely.

As for the mind bit: Funnily enough, I recently tried an SSRI. It just made me worse, and also sick and weak. So... While brain chemistry of course plays a part in this, as does perception - when your life is a mess, unfortunately none of that shit is going to make much difference, I would say...

There was a recent study that claimed SSRIs don't even work, because serotonin is not the cause of depression. That said, from whatever little I have learned about your situation, I don't think you are depressed, just miserable.

But anyway, I'm trying to fix as much as I can.

You better!

I literally can't afford the gym right now, lol. And it's fairly pointless getting a new membership until I move cities again (soon, hopefully). But yeah. I just run. And sometimes ride. That's my equivalent, I guess.

Anaerobic is also good for you. Not to mention the social aspects of a gym. Said the guy who hasn't been to the gym since corona.