Here’s to a better year.
Surely they can’t push Covid for much longer, right??
Anyway, I’ve been struggling a lot this week, tbh.
New Year’s Eve was ok, even if not how I planned it (I almost had a better night, but… Effed it up, lol). Unfortunately the days before and since… Haven’t really been. But New Year’s Day is generally shit, I guess, so I’m used to that.
Anyhoo, hope yours was good, and that this year brings you some good things.
I’m just taking it day by day, myself. If I even make it to 2024, that would be a bit of a “miracle”, at this point. So I guess there’s that.
Peace.
I neglected to say: I’m genuinely sorry you’ve been through all that. It sounds (and from experience of a lot of it, is) absolutely awful…
I got so caught up in my own shit, I didn’t even say that. I’m sorry.
I’ve been passively suicidal for more than a decade. A suicide attempt (or what the college thought was one) is what got me kicked out of Uni the first time, and into probably the most traumatic time of my life…
I’ve never recovered from that, frankly (the consequences were much worse than anything prior to the “attempt”, so they actually made it so much worse). I’m not sure I ever will.
But anyway, I get it, and I’m truly sorry for what you’ve gone through.
On the status anxiety thing, too: yeah, one of the few times I actually feel “comfortable” is in environments where I know no-one, am sure I know no-one, and know that no one cares about “degree or marital status”…
Which is becoming incredibly limited, now. It’s basically backpackers, and like, working class pubs…
I do think moving back to my hometown/the place I grew up was a mistake, though.
Everyone here has taken a very different path to what I managed. There really isn’t anyone left who I grew up with, who fucked up like I did.
So… Getting out of here, and cutting social media, is probably the only way to survive.
Oddly, a couple of my cousins have had similar “realizations”, which suggests there must be something familial at play, here, too…
But I’m not going to “blame” my upbringing, anymore. Nor genetics. This is on me, and my fucked-up brain. Looking to externalize that won’t get me anywhere.
Cheers again, and good luck! :)