This is, obviously, exceedingly personal. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. And I apologize for it not being… “Newsworthy”.
I’m mainly just angry. And I think this shows, very clearly and close to home, just how shitty all of this has been.
Initially, I couldn’t visit because I was, and am, “inadequately vaxxed”. Then they made it boosters. Then the rules seemingly changed, but my family, my goddamn family, man, prevented me from going in there to see him, except for his birthday last year. Without outwardly saying it, they did it to punish me for my… “Non-compliance”. 😔
Then we all got Covid. But I couldn’t get an “exemption”, because life is shit.
And then, guess what? The whole ward of the nursing home got it anyway, despite none of us (me, or my father, who is “quadruple vaxxed”, or other non-blood relatives) visiting, and despite them being thrice or more “jabbed”…
So, being frail and sickly, the inevitable happened. Though it is important to note that he did not die of Covid, and was allegedly testing negative (having already had it), up to the last few days…
The nursing home wouldn’t let me see him because of the outbreak. My family (mother is his main “guardian”) also didn’t want me visiting (again), and because we don’t even share the same last name (obviously, maternal grandfather), and I can’t afford a lawyer, I hadn’t been able to secure a workaround…
It’s fucking awful. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I haven’t seen him in like, nine months or more. And my family blame me for that. Me.
The worst thing, though, was my Dad’s response: I asked him whether he had been in since I had, seeing as he is “quadruple vaxxed”, and super paranoid about Coof…
To which he said “No, and why would I? I saw him before that.”
As in, no, he didn’t want to, and even though he could, he couldn’t be bothered. This is the same man who attacked me for not visiting enough, for being unvaxxed, for not “supporting your mother enough, at this time”, and for not visiting his mother, who still lives at home, enough…
I just… Fuck these people, man. Fuck my entire family, at this point…
Tl;dr, my grandfather died, and the (supposedly coof-related) evils of the system, and of my family, prevented me from saying goodbye. For months… 😞
I'm starting to get why you've got such an advanced case of black pill overdose. You're surrounded by shitty people.
I'm sorry you missed the chance to say goodbye to those you loved, and they were denied time with you.
At this point, I can only hope there's something on the other side that's better than the raw deal that human existence appears to be.
Thanks dude. Yeah, I’ve… Ive seen some very bad shit. Shit I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Not my worst enemy, not even my family (though abuse definitely is multi-generational, in this case. But that stops with me).
At some point it becomes… Hard to keep up with it. And yes, hurt people hurt people, as the saying goes. Unfortunately…
I agree with your last statement. I hope so, too.
I’ve seen dementia destroy two lives, now. I’ve seen just how bad it gets (obviously, in this case, prior to October last year). I’ve seen just how much toxic family will use that situation to abuse and manipulate. And I’ve seen just how bad the… “Aged care” sector is, in this supposedly “extremely wealthy” country.
Honestly, I just hope he was comfortable, at the end (the problem being, of course, that I only have the word of my family), and I hope that my grandmother can cope.
Other than that… He’s free, now. I’m free, now. Free of another tie, to this place, and to this family.
I’m ready to let that burden go, I think. Time to move towards something better.
At the moment, I’m not sure my “family” deserve to be a part of that. But so be it.
The curse (of abuse, pain, guilt, shame, resentment and blame) stops here.