This is, obviously, exceedingly personal. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. And I apologize for it not being… “Newsworthy”.
I’m mainly just angry. And I think this shows, very clearly and close to home, just how shitty all of this has been.
Initially, I couldn’t visit because I was, and am, “inadequately vaxxed”. Then they made it boosters. Then the rules seemingly changed, but my family, my goddamn family, man, prevented me from going in there to see him, except for his birthday last year. Without outwardly saying it, they did it to punish me for my… “Non-compliance”. 😔
Then we all got Covid. But I couldn’t get an “exemption”, because life is shit.
And then, guess what? The whole ward of the nursing home got it anyway, despite none of us (me, or my father, who is “quadruple vaxxed”, or other non-blood relatives) visiting, and despite them being thrice or more “jabbed”…
So, being frail and sickly, the inevitable happened. Though it is important to note that he did not die of Covid, and was allegedly testing negative (having already had it), up to the last few days…
The nursing home wouldn’t let me see him because of the outbreak. My family (mother is his main “guardian”) also didn’t want me visiting (again), and because we don’t even share the same last name (obviously, maternal grandfather), and I can’t afford a lawyer, I hadn’t been able to secure a workaround…
It’s fucking awful. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I haven’t seen him in like, nine months or more. And my family blame me for that. Me.
The worst thing, though, was my Dad’s response: I asked him whether he had been in since I had, seeing as he is “quadruple vaxxed”, and super paranoid about Coof…
To which he said “No, and why would I? I saw him before that.”
As in, no, he didn’t want to, and even though he could, he couldn’t be bothered. This is the same man who attacked me for not visiting enough, for being unvaxxed, for not “supporting your mother enough, at this time”, and for not visiting his mother, who still lives at home, enough…
I just… Fuck these people, man. Fuck my entire family, at this point…
Tl;dr, my grandfather died, and the (supposedly coof-related) evils of the system, and of my family, prevented me from saying goodbye. For months… 😞
You're nicer than I am. If my family pulled that shit I'd be burning bridges and salting the earth. Trying to take the high road out would probably result in them lying about who's fault it is anyway, so I'd make my exit so extreme it would be unbelievable to a third party if it ever even happened. They'd be the ones blocking all contact with me. And then after re-establishing myself elsewhere where I couldn't be found I'd go out of my way to make their life such hell that they'd have to move just so I wouldn't have phone numbers or addresses to continue making their life hell.
Yeah, it is getting to that point, honestly…
I guess part of the reason that I… Stayed in touch, is because they held the “key” to seeing gramps before he died (as I said previously). Now that’s gone..?
I’m very much there with you, dude.
Funeral will be hell. It was last time (other grandfather), and I fully expect it will be again. My cousin uses family death chances to get in all the abusive rage she’s held in, against me (for just… Not being exactly like her, I guess), in the lead-up, so…
Once that’s all done? I’m so, so done with it all.
I’ll feel bad leaving my dog and sheep, here (I’ve been thinking about that for months), and especially for not being there for grandma (wife of the deceased), but…
I just can’t do it anymore, hey? It’s simply not… Emotionally or mentally sustainable. Unfortunately…
Hah yep. Pet sheep. Doesn’t live inside, lol. It’s in a paddock, out the back.
I’ve had sheep since I was… Around 6, I think. More than 20 years. There’s always been at least one sheep present. Mainly just to eat the grass, and keep it down (was a horse property).
I call this one Ben. His twin brother, Bill, died a while back. As did the next sheep, called Bozo, of all things (not my idea), who I adopted. They die… Too often. So he’s the last one.
Dunno. It’s just one of those things, for me. Some people have horses, or pigs, or cows. I, inadvertently, have sheep.
As Tony says, it’s just a thing, in this part of the world, lol.
Most people in the countryside out here have some sort of furry thing, whether it’s sheep or cows or goats or horses or donkeys, lol!
Honestly, I don’t even know why, haha. Just is.
Also, I would add, doing a tracheotomy (see: M* A* S* H* ) on a sheep is fucking horrible… Seriously…
As is burying the fuckers. Because they sadly die really easily…
Much like horses. Honestly… Probably wouldn’t recommend, for most people.
Dogs and cats are much easier, generally speaking. Though Ben is healthy, I think, so that’s… Something.
Maybe you would if you knew where he was from.