This is another fairly personal one.
Anyone following anything I've posted on here in the past will likely have worked out by now that I'm in Australia - in a fairly left-wing part of it, no less.
You'll also probably have noticed that I'm fairly... Fucked up. Depression, anxiety, probably ADHD and OCD, plus abuse and a fairly horrific childhood and adolescence - these things have fucked me up no end, and, contrary to the "happy shit" you see in, say, Pedowood - I can assure you from experience that a lot of people like me DON'T fucking recover, and we never come back from the pits. Some do. Most don't. Which do you really think is the likely end result, for a fuck-up like me..?
Anyway, I think you all know by now that things in Australia are completely fucked. They're getting worse. Continuously. Every fucking day, we lose another "human right", and the totalitarian screws get tighter. I've just learned, today, that thanks to a pronouncement from our state "premier", the equivalent of a US Governor, if I LEAVE this state, say, to go back to my university, I won't be allowed back in, until I'm doubly vaccinated AND test negative to coof. This means that if my grandfather's health declines, which is... Likely, I may not even be able to get back to see him in time, because of the fucking government. I cannot TELL YOU how blackpilling that is, amongst everything else.
Shit here is fucked, and I am so fucking sick of it! Never mind the fact that, without going into too many details, my family pets keep dying, and I keep fucking having to bury them. I spent the last three days burying one. I only adopted him earlier this year. Last I saw, he was healthy and fine. This happens... Every couple of years. And then family members just up and die, too, or someone I know kills themselves. It's... I don't know why the fuck I'm so unlucky, but fuck, death just seems to follow me. If you haven't experienced this yourself, let me tell you - digging a grave for your animals on a regular basis is... Pretty devastating.
Moving on: For the last... While, anger has been what has sustained me. Anger, resentment and hatred. I'm a bitter, jaded person (you would be, too, if you had seen what I have, and experienced what I have), and I fucking detest what my society has become. Clearly, at least "anonymously", I'm very active online, in trying to fight back, and to use that anger... "Constructively". I also use it to motivate exercise, which... Works, but the exercise doesn't... Make the anger go away, at all.
After a while, though, you begin to realise this is a losing battle. Australia is completely fucked. I'm genuinely not sure there is any coming back from this, and I do not think, if I lived much longer, that I would want to do so in this country. It is becoming unrecognisable, and I genuinely fear for the future, here. My own future is gone. That does not matter. But for the country itself... The best outcome is probably Argentina or Chile at their lowest points. Or what, Portugal under Salazar? I seriously don't see an outcome under which Australia stays a democracy, with basic rights for citizens, which is... Scary. And while I have fought back and fought back, pretty hard... I've now realised how futile it is.
My efforts aren't really changing anything. Shit here is sliding, and nothing I do will really change that. But it's more than that. Anger can only sustain you for so long. While my rage can be pretty... Intimidating, I think sadness and loneliness are generally stronger, longer-lasting emotions than anger, and nothing I have done takes that away. So...
I dunno if this is it. I hope the rest of you are able to better "maintain the rage", and fight back in the culture wars in your respective countries. But even if the fight for Australia isn't over; even if there is some hope left for this place - I'm not sure I'll be around to keep on fighting.
I'm pretty done. I've tried. I've fought. I've failed. I just want... Peace, now, and I really... I'm not sure I know of many other ways to find it, unfortunately.
Cheers.
I'm really sorry for your loses and hard life. No one should have to endure abuse. Losing animals is really, really hard. Men hate to admit to crying but I've had strangers, grown men admit to crying over lost animals. It's tough, don't push yourself to "get over it", or chastise yourself for being depressed. but also realize you are depressed and that this isn't your "true" mood, even if you suffered fro major depression to begin with. You can get out of depression with work. I know it's not easy, and when you are depressed your depression works against you, but it can be done. People often relapse, but still get out of it again. It becomes the rarity not the standard. And even when depressed I'm sure you have moments when you are happy, even if just a brief thing like listening to a song you like. Now for the OCD, anxiety and depression, you can try cognitive behavioral therapy on your own. This is the most effective treatment for those things, barring them being cause by some underlying medical issue. I can recommend the book "Brainlock" on OCD, "Feeling Good" by David Burns for mood and "Mind over Mood" by Padesky" for depression, and "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Bourne for anxiety. You may be able to get these through your library online or in person if you can't buy them. But there are also similar books and Youtube videos online that give you the ins and outs of cognitive behavioral therapy and print outs of worksheets. With time it can definitely get better. Medication can help get you over the hump, sometimes, assuming you find the right one. But exercise has also been shown to help as much as most medications. Meditation is good too. You don't have to stay angry. If stuff like this is upsetting you, political stuff I mean, then stop visiting such sites until you feel better, or even after. You do not have to "stay angry". You can accept that there is evil in the world, always will be, and just do your best not to contribute to it, while living a life that will make you happy. i know things are bad in Australia, but you guys have a lot of land you can escape to yet. The goal is to demoralize you and make you quit. Just enduring is enough. But even if you were the last Conservative on earth, just finding your own inner joy, at nature, at the past, with God, that would be enough too. I do recommend you try reading the Bible, as I believe it to be true, but I don't know if proselytizing to you might hinder you from taking my other advice. Also, cut your abusive family out if you can, and any other abuser. There's also techniques for dealing with such, grey rock I think if they're narcissists, but you have to take care of yourself, you do not owe abusers anything. Might I also recommend indulging what hobbies you can, or finding a new one you can do inside, particularly art. Journaling is helpful too. It takes time though, give yourself time. You'll recover from this, have another furry friend one day, and find a job you enjoy. not going back to school might be a blessing, you find something you like better without having to do the brainwashing. Wishing you the best, truly.