This is another fairly personal one.
Anyone following anything I've posted on here in the past will likely have worked out by now that I'm in Australia - in a fairly left-wing part of it, no less.
You'll also probably have noticed that I'm fairly... Fucked up. Depression, anxiety, probably ADHD and OCD, plus abuse and a fairly horrific childhood and adolescence - these things have fucked me up no end, and, contrary to the "happy shit" you see in, say, Pedowood - I can assure you from experience that a lot of people like me DON'T fucking recover, and we never come back from the pits. Some do. Most don't. Which do you really think is the likely end result, for a fuck-up like me..?
Anyway, I think you all know by now that things in Australia are completely fucked. They're getting worse. Continuously. Every fucking day, we lose another "human right", and the totalitarian screws get tighter. I've just learned, today, that thanks to a pronouncement from our state "premier", the equivalent of a US Governor, if I LEAVE this state, say, to go back to my university, I won't be allowed back in, until I'm doubly vaccinated AND test negative to coof. This means that if my grandfather's health declines, which is... Likely, I may not even be able to get back to see him in time, because of the fucking government. I cannot TELL YOU how blackpilling that is, amongst everything else.
Shit here is fucked, and I am so fucking sick of it! Never mind the fact that, without going into too many details, my family pets keep dying, and I keep fucking having to bury them. I spent the last three days burying one. I only adopted him earlier this year. Last I saw, he was healthy and fine. This happens... Every couple of years. And then family members just up and die, too, or someone I know kills themselves. It's... I don't know why the fuck I'm so unlucky, but fuck, death just seems to follow me. If you haven't experienced this yourself, let me tell you - digging a grave for your animals on a regular basis is... Pretty devastating.
Moving on: For the last... While, anger has been what has sustained me. Anger, resentment and hatred. I'm a bitter, jaded person (you would be, too, if you had seen what I have, and experienced what I have), and I fucking detest what my society has become. Clearly, at least "anonymously", I'm very active online, in trying to fight back, and to use that anger... "Constructively". I also use it to motivate exercise, which... Works, but the exercise doesn't... Make the anger go away, at all.
After a while, though, you begin to realise this is a losing battle. Australia is completely fucked. I'm genuinely not sure there is any coming back from this, and I do not think, if I lived much longer, that I would want to do so in this country. It is becoming unrecognisable, and I genuinely fear for the future, here. My own future is gone. That does not matter. But for the country itself... The best outcome is probably Argentina or Chile at their lowest points. Or what, Portugal under Salazar? I seriously don't see an outcome under which Australia stays a democracy, with basic rights for citizens, which is... Scary. And while I have fought back and fought back, pretty hard... I've now realised how futile it is.
My efforts aren't really changing anything. Shit here is sliding, and nothing I do will really change that. But it's more than that. Anger can only sustain you for so long. While my rage can be pretty... Intimidating, I think sadness and loneliness are generally stronger, longer-lasting emotions than anger, and nothing I have done takes that away. So...
I dunno if this is it. I hope the rest of you are able to better "maintain the rage", and fight back in the culture wars in your respective countries. But even if the fight for Australia isn't over; even if there is some hope left for this place - I'm not sure I'll be around to keep on fighting.
I'm pretty done. I've tried. I've fought. I've failed. I just want... Peace, now, and I really... I'm not sure I know of many other ways to find it, unfortunately.
Cheers.
Some of what you experienced, I have too. Strange I was just thinking about them yesterday.
RE bad childhood. Me too. I've come to realize that I was not the only one, and even though there are many, many more children experiencing much worse than you or I as we are still living, they are not.
Then we grow up and some things are just too hard to handle. I think that's where the hatred comes in. This is something you have to control. I have family members who truly hate everyone and everything. They fight, yell, seek revenge but you know what, they end up hurting themselves more. The hatred overtakes any logic and they screw themselves. But they hate so much they are not even aware what they are doing to themselves. I distance myself from anyone who is so hateful. I imagine myself a fly on the wall watching those hateful people sink further and further. You and I cannot be taken over by hatred.
All that is happening in Australia is or will happen everywhere. That is all evil showing us his ugly head. We can and should fight back to a degree but can't take over for the whole world. I would suggest you switch to survival mode. That gives you a goal, keeps you busy, and gives you hope.
The 1 thing you didnt mention is your faith. This is a time when we really need God. Find a peaceful space and an hour every day to either read the bible, pray, take up a patron saint. Catholics find tremendous peace in adoration.
IN SUMMARY: Forgive and forget the past. Its over and done with, nothing you can do about it. Let it go.
Work on yourself. Your attitude. Change all your vices into virtues. Try something for charity.
Dont get so pissed or frustrated over the evils in governments. There is only so much you can do. Its just too big for 1 person. Try to prepare for the changes in the world but be sure you connect with God and ask His help and guidance. You are not alone.