I stand in solidarity with you, my alcoholic brothers, against the nefarious, insidious corruption of our pure and sacred liquids by the secret cabal of the Juice.
We must immediately purge all of the Juice from our palates; not only the dysgenic Fruit Punch, and the even fruitier apple and orange juices, but also the even more evil and nefarious Juices of the privileged bourgeois elite, such as cranberry and grapefruit.
We must create a society where only spirits of 100 proof or more are permitted to be drunk, to disinfect ourselves of the impure and degenerate high-fructose corn syrup. Drinking water will only serve to dilute the purity of the alcohol in our veins, and water must also be purged.
We must ensure an existence for our distilleries and a future for our booze.
I unironically like Juice.
Your eyes have not been opened to the diabolical evil of the Juice. The Juice believes itself to be the Chosen Drink, and all Juice everywhere in the world is in secret communication with all other Juice in a grand conspiracy to undermine and destroy the purity of our booze and make us sober forever, gradually growing fatter and less confident as we imbibe more and more of their horrifyingly unhealthy sugars.
I suggest you read this text and this one, which clearly state the hatred the Juice has for all non-Juice, and its diabolical plan to dilute the purity of the non-Juice in order to wear down our resistance to the Juice's global hegemony. Secret messages are embedded on Juice labels all over the world which, if you're smart like I am, you'll realize reveal the entirety of the Juice's evil plans.
The Juice comprises less than 2% of all the drinks in the world, but its control of the media becomes clear when you examine the frequency of juice ads on YouTube videos and TV commercial breaks.
You need to wake up to what the Juice is doing to you, and to realize that purging the Juice is the only way to free yourself and your children from the tyranny of brightly colored carpet stains and sticky countertops.
Arch is that you?
Nein