im a rather convinced poliamorist. meaning conceptually i believe it to be the superior intimacy form. (one might add relationship anarchy as the ultimate standard - total flexibility)
i saw that kia2 was mostly opposing this? how come ?
my logic is simple. we want whats best for our partners > 0 restrictions
our needs and contexts vary wildly > maximum flexibility
the ultimate does not feel > is not controlled by jealousy and other possesive feels
fyi im asexual > graysexual .. rarely feel sexual attraction and i only have 1 partner. but have been studying this for a 7-10 years.
Look, I don't have a problem with it when it's fun for both partners. As in, Partner 1 gets turned on that Partner 2 is having sex with someone else. That's just a couple engaging with other people in a sexual fantasy they both enjoy. I'll even admit I think 3 people being in a relationship with each other can work if all of them know how to handle that and love each other equally.
But when Partner 2 is having fun on their own while Partner 1 gets nothing out of it (except maybe the right to have fun on their own with other people as well) that's when problems tend to arise - Partner 1 is often not OK with it but feels they can't say no for a variety of reasons (most having to do with low self-esteem), or both of them are using polyamory as a futile attempt to fix other problems in a relationship that is doomed to fail.
And then you have those people for whom polyamory means having a sexual and emotional connection with multiple lovers at the same time. There is no way this can ever lead to the same kind of closeness you'll ever have in a monogamous relationship. Polyamory in this context is just a PC way of saying "Multiple friends with benefits".
You don't have to stay with a partner who wants something you aren't comfortable with. Leaving such a relationship to find someone compatible is always an option.
That's pretty much the same argument as above phrased differently.
It's not jealousy to want a partner who is solely dedicated to you when it comes to love and romance. If your partner is going around, spreading their time, feelings and focus between multiple romantic relationships, the two of you will never grow as close as you could in a monogamous relationship.
That's the thing, you won't understand the perspective of those who are strictly into monogamy if you don't experience sexual attraction and what it does to you. You can study it for a century, but like all things, you need to have some insight into it to really understand it. I'm not trying to bash you, you're just the way you are. I just want you to realize there's some understanding you're missing.