Not a rhetorical question, despite the flippant phrasing. I'd absolutely love to see crypto succeed, but it doesn't look like it's gonna be useful for white and grey market transactions any time soon. For those not familiar, the white market is the documented, above-ground economy, the grey market is the informal/unlicensed economy, and the black market consists of goods and services that are outright criminalized.
Using crypto for white market transactions would arguably defeat the purpose, but on the grey market cash continues to be king, even though this is exactly where you'd expect crypto to be useful. Gold and silver intuitively seem like a good option for grey market transactions, but they're way too traceable, and while the grey market is usually left alone, when the piggies do get sicced on a given grey market you're up shit creek.
A brick of cocaine is a physical object that can be taken by force, whereas crypto owners can be anonymous. It would be all but impossible for a black market bank to provide proof that they have real bricks of cocaine without giving incriminating evidence to police and giving other criminals plenty to go on in order to track them down. Whereas ownership of crypto can be proven without giving away who you actually are, and very few criminals have the skills to de-anonymize crypto owners.
Sure, plenty of crypto merchants get busted by doing something incredibly stupid, but it's almost always feds who unmask them. It's not out of the realm of possibility that a criminal could simply track you down using the same methods and force you at gunpoint to transfer your crypto to the robber's crypto wallet, but to my knowledge that's yet to happen.
If the government banned it that would arguably make it more useful, since if it can be used to buy drugs, it can be used to buy grey market products too. Which would then make crypto valuable enough in real terms to use in under-the-table IRL transactions. But that all hinges on there being a sufficiently large consumer base that knows how to navigate the darkweb, and on darkweb sites being able to keep out scammers and glowies. Ultimately you have to find a darkweb product somewhere IRL, and that's the Achilles Heel that glowies can use. But banning it would at least stop the speculating, and the speculation is what makes it so damn unstable.