I'm a foodie: I'm fat
I'm nonbinary: I'm ugly, and want to be special
I have anxiety: I'm addicted to Xanax
I'm an ally: Please! I surrender!
I'm poly: I'm a slut
I'm an influencer: I'm a shilling narcissist
I'm an acivist: I'm unemployable
I'm an introvert: I spend all my time watching streaming shows
"This t-shirt from Target says I'm sarcastic. Better watch out, 'cause I'm witty."