Just that. I know that’s rather… Odd, perhaps, and overly “wholesome” of me, but I just wanted to say that I genuinely appreciated it. All of it.
I’m not used to that level of kindness, from random internet strangers (Reddit mostly isn’t, except, I’ve found, from a few more niche subs, and some of the sporting ones, oddly), or on the internet more broadly (see: Facebook).
I’m also just… Not used to people being kind (I hate that word. But it seems to be the best for the situation). People in my life… Haven’t been that. Not family. Rarely friends, for any lasting length of time. So kindness, when it comes, is… Frankly kind of disarming. Like it feels like I don’t deserve it, almost..?
Terrible, I know. I have to work on being kind to myself. Then at least I don’t have to rely on anyone else for that, I guess, lol.
Anyway, just wanted you all to know that I really appreciated it, and it meant more to me than you might… Perhaps feel it should have.
All the best, and I’ll shut up, now. I’m going to try to put my pain and… Adrenaline, I guess (rather than “hurt”, or “anger”) into heavy exercise, so that at least it goes somewhere… “Positive”, i guess, if nothing else.
Thanks again. Keep it real, and stay honest. Oh, and fuck the Great Reset/all of this Covid bullshit. Do your best to fight back, as I have, and continue to.
I can't believe how terrible my entire family is being about this (see previous post. But, if anything, they've actually doubled down on it, and gotten worse, in subsequent days)...
I didn't get to help pack up my grandfather's room. I didn't even get to see it. They didn't even ask, or tell, me, before they did it. I didn't get to see the photos, or the furniture, or anything. Let alone his... Body.
And now my mother is spying on me (not unusual, in my life experience). Making sure I don't "shit talk" her, or the rest of the family...
My cousin is coming over this afternoon to "collectively mourn", lecture me, and take all the family photos we have, because she is assigned to organize the funeral presentation. I offered to help. They (mother, cousin, et al.) said no... Because my cousin is the "smart, successful" one, and so she will be "better at it".
Honestly, at this point I'm actually considering skipping the funeral, and just... Leaving. Because they've had their chance. They've burned me enough. They continue to hurt me, at every given chance. Fuck them all...
If y'all see this - yeah, this is what abuse looks like, in adulthood. Trust me, burn those bridges while you can, because they never stop hurting you, and anyone else you might bring into "your circle", if you don't.
My father told me to shut the fuck up and stop being a histrionic loser, last night. My father. A day after I learned I had missed the death of my last grandfather. And my mother just said it was MY FAULT for not helping clear out the room, EVEN THOUGH I OFFERED... Two days after he died. Two days (!!). Fuck this fucking bullshit...
Jesus fucking christ on a stick (apologies). Is this what banal evil is? Because fuck me dead if this isn't morally repugnant...
I'm glad you have a place to vent here. I made sure I was hugging my grandparents ans seeing them throughout the pandemic, even if I'm the only unvaxxed person in the whole family. Stay strong, make a new "family" with like minded folk who are good people