I hear you. Growing up I was in many ways an anti-Rich. I would heavily resist any deprecation or insult directed at me in a friendly setting, and would make things awkward for those involved until they picked a new target. I never realized this consciously until I was an adult and had stumbled into a social situation that was very familiar to all others I'd had in my life. There was the ring-leader whom the group centered on, there was the scholar (usually me) who was ready to go with clever sayings, insights, or stories. And then there was the clown: the guy who was at the butt of all of the humor from the ring-leader. Bullying him seemed to be the leader's greatest joy. And it bothered me enough to intervene on his behalf because I was disturbed by it.

But in this latest scenario I noticed something about the dynamic, that made me wonder why I wasn't in one of those roles myself. That is: the clown was very carefree and happy to be made fun of. He walked into situations carelessly and seemed to participate in manufacturing his own embarrassment. And the ring-leader was always the most energetic and most unleashed when that guy was around. He wasn't savage to be mean, he was legitimately delighted and entertained.

I was impressed with the clown's lack of defensiveness. His cavalier resilience appealed to my personal ideal of being stoic and unaffected. But I realized it clashed with my idea of being 'cool' and it was on that basis that I refused to take that role. I consider that a shortcoming of mine. I don't pity a clown, I'm impressed by him and wish I was him. I know it takes guts, and a healthy dose of trust that the people around you won't push you too far.

I can for sure see why you'd avoid it when you enter a new situation filled with strangers. Also, thank you for the kind assessment :)