Despite u/TheImpossible1 's assertion, this could horrifically backfire for the Cathedral.
There's a large segment of normies that are highly reactionary. There's a lot of people who's political opinions end with "I'd shoot dat dumb sumbitch!", and that's like 50% of their opinions.
Attorney: "Your honor, my client is innocent of the theft he was video-recorded doing. He was poor, and sad, and his dad never loved him."
Defendant: "My theft is clearly society's fault."
Judge Bricklayer: "His dad never loved him because he was a fucking retard, and he was made from fuckin' retards. If he loved you, he would beat some fucking sense into your stupid ass for stealin' shit. I sentence your client to 45 minutes of police brutality."
Police: "???"
Attorney: "Your honor this is highly irregular!!!"
Judge Bricklayer: "Good! 'Bout god damned time we squared some of this shit away. And god damned son, you just don't know when you've done looked a gift horse in the mouth. Your boy here is gonna get out of a 3 year stint in county for the low low price of a can of whoop ass you've been needin' since you were 14. And you know what? I fuckin' hate lawyers. You get 5 minutes for bein' stupid."
Police: :)
SIX MONTHS LATER
Attorney: "... And then the cop punched me in the nose!!!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "You boys are ridiculous. How much was this over again?"
Defendant: "I don't remember..."
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Oh, come on, do I look like I was born yesterday?"
Attorney: "It was only $300"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!"
Attorney: "... but that's not even grand larceny"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "THAT'S EVEN MORE THAN ONE OF THOSE NINTENDOS! What reason could you possibly have needed to steal three hundred dollars for?!!"
Attorney: "... uhm. Food?"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Oh, baloney! What, he only eats gold-plated cheerios?! You could make good home cooked meal out of hamburger helper, noodles, and a can of meat sauce."
Defendant: "It's society's fault! I couldn't have known better because I'm just trying to survive!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Ridiculous. Those kids at the burn units in hospitals have real problems and you don't see them running around robbing 7/11's! You wouldn't need money if you'd applied for a job there instead of robbing the place! And don't tell me you couldn't have known better because bible's are free, doncha know!* I remand your sentence, and you get another 45 minutes with the Sgt here. Then I want you to write an apology to the 7/11 clerk, the 7/11 president for robbing his store, and then your mother for being a stupid son."
Defendant's Mom: "He's a good boy who didn't do nothing!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "WELL, I guess that answers that question. Apple doesn't fall so far from the tree. After your apologies, we'll talk about how we're gonna help you find some Jesus in your life, because you obviously never got some at home!"
Attorney: "You can't just do that!!!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "I don't want to hear a peep out of you, mister. If it were my son, I would have beat his ass myself and told him to confess. I don't know what the heck you think you're doing over there as his 'advocate'. Anymore out of you and you'll get around with the Sgt too! "
Police: "This is fun."
Despite u/TheImpossible1 's assertion, this could horrifically backfire for the Cathedral.
There's a large segment of normies that are highly reactionary. There's a lot of people who's political opinions end with "I'd shoot dat dumb sumbitch!", and that's like 50% of their opinions.
Attorney: "Your honor, my client is innocent of the theft he was video-recorded doing. He was poor, and sad, and his dad never loved him."
Defendant: "My theft is clearly society's fault."
Judge Bricklayer: "His dad never loved him because he was a fucking retard, and he was made from fuckin' retards. If he loved you, he would beat some fucking sense into your stupid ass for stealin' shit. I sentence your client to 45 minutes of police brutality."
Police: "???"
Attorney: "Your honor this is highly irregular!!!"
Judge Bricklayer: "Good! 'Bout god damned time we squared some of this shit away. And god damned son, you just don't know when you've done looked a gift horse in the mouth. Your boy here is gonna get out of a 3 year stint in county for the low low price of a can of whoop ass you've been needin' since you were 14. And you know what? I fuckin' hate lawyers. You get 5 minutes for bein' stupid."
Police: :)
SIX MONTHS LATER
Attorney: "... And then the cop punched me in the nose!!!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "You boys are ridiculous. How much was this over again?"
Defendant: "I don't remember..."
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Oh, come on, do I look like I was born yesterday?"
Attorney: "It was only $300"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!"
Attorney: "... but that's not even grand larceny"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "THAT'S EVEN MORE THAN ONE OF THOSE NINTENDOS! What reason could you possibly have needed to steal three hundred dollars for?!!"
Attorney: "... uhm. Food?"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Oh, baloney! What, he only eats gold-plated cheerios?! You could make good home cooked meal out of hamburger helper, noodles, and a can of meat sauce."
Defendant: "It's society's fault! I couldn't have known better because I'm just trying to survive!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Ridiculous. Those kids at the burn units in hospitals have real problems and you don't see them running around robbing 7/11's! You wouldn't need money if you'd applied for a job there instead of robbing the place! And don't tell me you couldn't have known better because bible's are free, doncha know!* I remand your sentence, and you get another 45 minutes with the Sgt here. Then I want you to write an apology to the 7/11 clerk, the 7/11 president for robbing his store, and then your mother for being a stupid son."
Defendant's Mom: "He's a good boy who didn't do nothing!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "WELL, I guess that answers that question. Apple doesn't fall so far from the tree. After your apologies, we'll talk about how we're gonna help you find some Jesus in your life, because you obviously never got some at home!"
Attorney: "You can't just do that!!!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "I don't want to hear a peep out of you, mister. If it were my son, I would have beat his ass myself and told him to confess. I don't know what the heck you think you're doing over there as his 'advocate'. Anymore out of you and you'll get around with the Sgt too! "
Police: "This is fun."
Despite u/TheImpossible1 's assertion, this could horrifically backfire for the Cathedral.
There's a large segment of normies that are highly reactionary. There's a lot of people who's political opinions end with "I'd shoot dat dumb sumbitch!", and that's like 50% of their opinions.
Attorney: "Your honor, my client is innocent of the theft he was video-recorded doing. He was poor, and sad, and his dad never loved him."
Defendant: "My theft is clearly society's fault."
Judge Bricklayer: "His dad never loved him because he was a fucking retard, and he was made from fuckin' retards. If he loved you, he would beat some fucking sense into your stupid ass for stealin' shit. I sentence your client to 45 minutes of police brutality."
Police: "???"
Attorney: "Your honor this is highly irregular!!!"
Judge Bricklayer: "Good! 'Bout god damned time we squared some of this shit away. And god damned son, you just don't know when you've done looked a gift horse in the mouth. Your boy here is gonna get out of a 3 year stint in county for the low low price of a can of whoop ass you've been needin' since you were 14. And you know what? I fuckin' hate lawyers. You get 5 minutes for bein' stupid."
Police: :)
SIX MONTHS LATER
Attorney: "... And then the cop punched me in the nose!!!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "You boys are ridiculous. How much was this over again?"
Defendant: "I don't remember..."
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Oh, come on, do I look like I was born yesterday?"
Attorney: "It was only $300"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!"
Attorney: "... but that's not even grand larceny"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "THAT'S EVEN MORE THAN ONE OF THOSE NINTENDOS! What reason could you possibly have needed to steal three hundred dollars for?!!"
Attorney: "... uhm. Food?"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Oh, baloney! What, he only eats gold-plated cheerios?! You could make good home cooked meal out of hamburger helper, noodles, and a can of meat sauce."
Defendant: "It's society's fault! I couldn't have known better because I'm just trying to survive!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "Ridiculous. Those kids at the burn units in hospitals have real problems and you don't see them running around robbing 7/11's! You wouldn't need money if you'd applied for a job there instead of robbing the place! And don't tell me you couldn't have known better because bible's are free, bucko! I remand your sentence, and you get another 45 minutes with the Sgt here. Then I want you to write an apology to the 7/11 clerk, the 7/11 president for robbing his store, and then your mother for being a bad son. After that, we'll talk about how we're gonna help you find some Jesus in your life."
Attorney: "You can't just do that!!!"
Appellate Judge Homemaker: "I don't want to hear a peep out of you, mister. If it were my son, I would have beat his ass myself and told him to confess. I don't know what the heck you think you're doing over there as his 'advocate'. Anymore out of you and you'll get around with the Sgt too! "
Police: "This is fun."