Depression, anxiety, probably ADHD and OCD

Hm. You aren't on psychiatric medications, are you? 99% of the time, this stuff comes from problems you can fix without drugs.

Drugs will also hinder your ability to be self-reliant. Tying into self-reliance is confidence, which I'd wager you could use some more of.

plus abuse and a fairly horrific childhood and adolescence

Here, see, this could be causing all of it. I strongly advise you to talk to someone about it. Not here; not a public place. I had a poor youth, and spent half my life dealing with it. You have to learn some particular things to cope with trauma, and be willing to discard other ideas that block your path. I think it's too much of a burden for a man to bear on his own.

Finding someone trustworthy to open up to is a whole other matter. You say you're in college, right? Most colleges I've checked in on have some form of free counseling - usually operated by psych majors. A good friend is better, but most people don't seem to have friends that good. If they try to put you on drugs, just walk out.

Edit: Ah, sorry, I forgot to mention something important. I'm not sure how the system differs in your country, but I generally advise against telling the truth when a therapist asks if you have thoughts about harming yourself or others. You probably know how much of a hassle it is to be a failed suicider - you'll be made to jump through some hoops, like you're a fuckin' criminal. Best to just lie about that stuff if it's a therapist. Keep them on topic, you're there for you not for them.

Depression, anxiety, probably ADHD and OCD

Hm. You aren't on psychiatric medications, are you? 99% of the time, this stuff comes from problems you can fix without drugs.

Drugs will also hinder your ability to be self-reliant. Tying into self-reliance is confidence, which I'd wager you could use some more of.

plus abuse and a fairly horrific childhood and adolescence

Here, see, this could be causing all of it. I strongly advise you to talk to someone about it. Not here; not a public place. I had a poor youth, and spent half my life dealing with it. You have to learn some particular things to cope with trauma, and be willing to discard other ideas that block your path. I think it's too much of a burden for a man to bear on his own.

Finding someone trustworthy to open up to is a whole other matter. You say you're in college, right? Most colleges I've checked in on have some form of free counseling - usually operated by psych majors. A good friend is better, but most people don't seem to have friends that good. If they try to put you on drugs, just walk out.