My father killed himself in 2017 on Thanksgiving day and when I flew to his apartment to take care of his... actions, I found it broken into and ransacked. His was officially dubbed a suicide, but for all I know he was murdered. I will never really know and anything valuable he may have wanted us to have, like his coin collection were gone.

Then last year I had to put my three legged dog down because he just lost his mind. ran himself to exhaustion and made his own limbs useless. It crushed me.

Last March I moved into my grandparents home to take care of my grandma who decided to quit her chemo for her pancreatic cancer, her old blind dog, and her going senile husband. I was there to take care of her until she passed. The problem was that she had gone under a procedure to extend her life, so that prolonged the process. I had to watch her agonizing decline for about half of a year. On top of that, at some point before her passing I had to make the decision of my own volition to put her dog down, because it was just fucking miserable. It clearly wanted to die, but they were never going to do anything for its quality of life. So that was two back to back deaths, where only one I was prepared for....

ONE FUCKIN WEEK LATER after my grandmother passed, by grandfather suffered a paralyzing stroke. I then had to stick around to care for him, because he now was not going to long long. He passed 2 days ago.

So, I went from a house of 4 living souls (me included) to just me. Alone.

Death is just a part of life, and it's going to seem like a monumental dog pile when you fixate on each and every one. But you just have to accept that it's going to always appear like it's back to back because of how prevalent it is in life. Even if the previous death was 2 years ago. It's still going to feel like it happened just yesterday. Now my biggest problem is dealing with my grandfathers fucking gun obsession. There are fucking nearly 30 in total he had squirreled away in his garage. Also made his own bullets. He was an interesting dude, but there's a literal powder keg I have to deal with now.

edit: Oh, and my brother in law killed himself 8 months ago too, leaving my sister widowed and 4 kids fatherless, though to be honest... he was an unpredictable mess. There was a very real possibility he wanted to hurt them too, but was so drunk he shot himself first instead. Had real anger issues....

My father killed himself in 2017 on Thanksgiving day and when I flew to his apartment to take care of his... actions, I found it broken into and ransacked. His was officially dubbed a suicide, but for all I know he was murdered. I will never really know and anything valuable he may have wanted us to have, like his coin collection were gone.

Then last year I had to put my three legged dog down because he just lost his mind. ran himself to exhaustion and made his own limbs useless. It crushed me.

Last March I moved into my grandparents home to take care of my grandma who decided to quit her chemo for her pancreatic cancer, her old blind dog, and her going senile husband. I was there to take care of her until she passed. The problem was that she had gone under a procedure to extend her life, so that prolonged the process. I had to watch her agonizing decline for about half of a year. On top of that, at some point before her passing I had to make the decision of my own volition to put her dog down, because it was just fucking miserable. It clearly wanted to die, but they were never going to do anything for its quality of life. So that was two back to back deaths, where only one I was prepared for....

ONE FUCKIN WEEK LATER after my grandmother passed, by grandfather suffered a paralyzing stroke. I then had to stick around to care for him, because he now was not going to long long. He passed 2 days ago.

So, I went from a house of 4 living souls (me included) to just me. Alone.

Death is just a part of life, and it's going to seem like a monumental dog pile when you fixate on each and every one. But you just have to accept that it's going to always appear like it's back to back because of how prevalent it is in life. Even if the previous death was 2 years ago. It's still going to feel like it happened just yesterday. Now my biggest problem is dealing with my grandfathers fucking gun obsession. There are fucking nearly 30 in total he had squirreled away in his garage. Also made his own bullets. He was an interesting dude, but there's a literal powder keg I have to deal with now.