To quote Regent Law Professor James Duane, in 2012:

It's been reported that the Congressional Research Service can no longer even count the current number of federal crimes

At the time of his speech, US Federal law encompassed 27,000 pages of law, which may include another 10,000 regulations that are simply referenced and defined elsewhere, including amongst other things, being found in possession of a non-compliant lobster.

Were you to go all-in on this, you would have to record everything off the handset because US Federal Law is so nebulous you would require it in order to correctly detail the catalogue of offences each user is guilty of.