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posted ago by TechParadox ago by TechParadox +66 / -0

Further spiraling down the rabbit hole into uselessness (following their recent FUBARs in changes to donation levels and generally crappy customer service), Humble Bundle offered up this gem:

Humble Book Bundle: Bikes by Microcosm

Now, if one were to judge a bundle by its title, one might assume that this is a batch of small-press books on bicycles and the cycling lifestyle.

Not a chance in hell. It features such wonderful titles as:

  • Bikes in Space: Feminist Bicycle Science Fiction

  • Taking The Lane - a series of Feminist and Trans 'zines about dealing with misogyny and the like in bicycling culture in Portland

  • Bikes Not Rockets: Intersectional Feminist Bicycle Science Fiction Stories

  • Trans-Galactic Bike Ride: Feminist Bicycle Science Fiction Stories of Transgender and Nonbinary Adventurers

I couldn't make these up if I tried. Out of the whole bundle it looks like there are maybe three or four books that might have something real to read about cycling culture. The rest are in the same vein as the above-listed feminist and trans rhetoric.

I have but one thing to say: We needed this bundle like a fish needs a bicycle.

Comments (38)
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26
BulbasaurusThe7th 26 points ago +26 / -0

Now I will show you guys my true colours.

I am a true lover of internet lolcows and bizarre shit. It tainted my soul, but still.
There is this one tranny commie weird ass dude who is a crazy antifa in Portland, called Phillip Haskins-Delici. He is putrid and for some reason, obsessed with cycling. Can't help but think of him when I see this.

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AntonioOfVenice 19 points ago +19 / -0

New Zealand Department of Agriculture afficionado?

My personal favorite is Rebecca Hernandez, the fake Latino, fake Jew, fake non-binary (as all), who has a 'boyfriend' and a 'husband', constantly whines about her truly wonderful and lovely Cuban parents, attacks Jews for not accepting her even though she ostentatiously violates every commandment of the religion.

Her stories about 'harassment' at Riot Games were written down as gospel by Kotaku.

There is just so much drama surrounding her that I can't keep up with it with the limited time I can free up for entertainment.

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elleand202 9 points ago +9 / -0

New Zealand Department of Agriculture afficionado?

This is my new favorite euphemism of a certain bird farm.

2
BulbasaurusThe7th 2 points ago +2 / -0

I love my place more than what's good for you.

2
AntonioOfVenice 2 points ago +2 / -0

It's a nice time-sink, isn't it?

3
BulbasaurusThe7th 3 points ago +3 / -0

Half of it is so weird I can't even understand what's going on with humanity.
Like the awful troons who have the alpaca farm where the animals just... keep dying. Meanwhile, they claim an ebül ebül Republican redneck monster called Earl is trying to murder them. (When they mention this Earl, I always think of Earl Harbinger from Monster Hunter International and it makes things much funnier.)
I adore alpacas, though, so I get the sads when I think of them dying because the tranchers dilated instead of feeding them.

1
Knife-TotingRat 1 point ago +1 / -0

I would hate to imagine what is going on at that farm, and why is no one investigating them for neglect/cruelty?

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BulbasaurusThe7th 2 points ago +2 / -0

Wouldn't be surprised if they fucked the poor animals, but apparently they die because they are just not fed and taken care of properly. Nobody actually really does their job there and they do have a lot of animals.

9
WhitePhoenix 9 points ago +10 / -1

Wait, didn't one of the anti-fuckers bash some random innocent over the head with a bike lock awhile back?

14
estbleu 14 points ago +14 / -0

Eric Clanton. Former philosophy/ethics professor at Diablo Valley College. Apparently bashed seven people in the head with a bike lock at various protests, eventually got ID'd by 4chan autists, arrested, had charges dropped to a simple misdemeanor battery, sentenced to three years' probation.

9
WhitePhoenix 9 points ago +9 / -0

Fuck these activist District Attorneys.

18
ArtemisFoul 18 points ago +18 / -0

Good lord, I have so many questions! Why are there so many books on women/"women" and bikes? And why is the cover art on all of them so go goddamn ugly? Is there a generator running somewhere that just keeps shitting these out?

I especially like the "bikes not rockets" thing, the title is like that old saying that if we were ruled by women we'd still be living in caves. Heh.

10
TechParadox [S] 10 points ago +10 / -0

Why are there so many books on women/"women" and bikes?

Best guess (based on the fact that several of them are zines) is that the whole thing was shat out of Portland, WA OR - known home of general weirdness, radfems, and people of all 1000 different made-up sexual orientations. Chalk it up to their smug, fart-sniffing ways.

And why is the cover art on all of them so go goddamn ugly?

See above about Portland and their community. If everyone in the circle-jerk keeps telling you that your artwork is great, then the empress will keep behaving as if she has clothes.

Is there a generator running somewhere that just keeps shitting these out?

Sadly, I'm betting that there's a clique of "authors" in the Washington Oregon area that produce this garbage and then act like they're the best thing since Vonnegut and Kerouac because their writing is so garbage that nobody but them can stand to read it.

EDIT: I fail at geography...

4
AlfredicEnglishRules 4 points ago +4 / -0

Portland Oregon. Washington does insane weirdness in a different way.

Seattle had CHAS, portland burnt an elk statue and continues to riot in the touristy areas. Same coin, same side, different letter.

You have no idea how much I wanted to invite the proud boys to have their protest at the Rose Stadium and come with boffers before all the Covid riots. I would make a mint charging admission to see the fight.

2
TechParadox [S] 2 points ago +2 / -0

Portland Oregon

Sonofabitch... I do that way too often. With both Portland and Seattle being SJW enclaves my mind has completely conflated the two. Thanks for the correction.

2
coke501 2 points ago +2 / -0

radfems

A german word for bike is "Rad". You may be on to something.

18
AntonioOfVenice 18 points ago +18 / -0

What bicycle can hold their weight?

15
mikhalych 15 points ago +15 / -0

Theres also the legal issue. Oversize load transport needs a special state permit. Imagine having to get one everytime they want to cycle to a Starbucks.

8
CaptainRon77 8 points ago +9 / -1

Outside of the mountain and bmx community, the entire bike “scene” is toxic as hell.

I don’t know what it is about pavement, but those who ride on it lose their god damn minds and begin to turn batshit crazy. If you get a few of them together, they become an impotent little horde with a serious attitude problem toward the world around them.

I’ve never understood why they bike bc they clearly hate everyone around them and they bitch and moan non-stop.

If they have their own bike lane, they freak out that cars are on the streets.

If they have their own paved trail, they freak out about walkers on the trail.

And when they finally have their own bikes only fuckin special lane, they then freak out about OTHER BIKERS on there.

They are 100% toxic people who can never be happy. They are mentally broken.

7
IncelDracula 7 points ago +7 / -0

I have an old friend from high school who's constantly pulling the condescending, "bro, I wish I had time to play games and waste money on an Xbox" when his bike is literally within the ballpark of $3,000 and he spends 3/4ths of his day in a bike shop.

Having an expensive hobby is fine, but let's not kid ourselves: you're not "out there gettin' it and living life" when you're sitting in a shack all day, talking about importing $400 brakes from Germany with three other dudes that've left their wife & kids at home.

Bikers are the vegans of sports.

5
AlfredicEnglishRules 5 points ago +5 / -0

In Scottsdale AZ the bikers are some of the most annoying guys in the world. Every last one of them is a rich lawyer, and they take up both lanes, so you just have to wait it out.

4
Friday 4 points ago +4 / -0

A lot of those people are crazy as hell. I can get why SOME of them are the way they are. It only takes getting hit by a car once before you get very hyperaware of where everyone else is on the road.

My family and I ride ebikes around town, and it always amazes me how unfriendly those people can be.

2
Knife-TotingRat 2 points ago +2 / -0

Yes, it's one of the main problems is that city planners - total retards that they seem to be - never really accounted for bikes as VEHICLES in their OWN CLASS. Bikes have been considered, in North America, little more than toys, or leisure equipment. Which is why bike trails go nowhere and tend to wind through nowhere anyone really wants to be or needs to go (ie, useless for running errands) and you're forced to share with either cars or pedestrians - and they ask the BIKER to choose. You CAN'T, they won't LET you.

The city I'm in is fucking terrible for both pedestrians and bike riders; it's like it was designed by a total car-worshiper on Hire a Retard day.

8
Knife-TotingRat 8 points ago +8 / -0

TIL there was such a thing as "bicycle science fiction".

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TheImpossible1 12 points ago +12 / -0

You name it, someone with a worthless English degree has probably written it.

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TheImpossible1 5 points ago +5 / -0

OP already made my fish and bicycles joke.

Ahhh, now I have to think of something useful to say...which is more than the people who wrote this comically bad crap did.

How is cycling sexist exactly? There's no other people involved. Are women so unlikable that even inanimate objects discriminate against them?

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Hyponoeo 2 points ago +2 / -0

Um don't women tend to need [or at least benefit greatly from] a wider bicycle seat to match the way their bones work due to the wider well whatever bones they are that sit on the seat? I think I read this once.

Sounds like discrimination to me that it isn't the standard seat!!

5
AlfredicEnglishRules 5 points ago +5 / -0

I actually enjoy biking trails for leisure fun. Most folks I bike with make sure to follow the rules and be courteous, because we walk the same trails as well.

I was hoping for some fun books on finding trails and fixing bikes. Nope.

5
IncelDracula 5 points ago +5 / -0

Quick, someone load up their MacBook and create a think piece on how bicycles are heteronormative by their legacy of promoting the binary. 2022 will be filled with infighting over how to rename bicycles.

4
free-will-of-choice 4 points ago +6 / -2

HUM'BLE, adjective [Latin humilis.] - "low; opposed to high"

What are the implications of consent to a low offer?

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davidverner 5 points ago +5 / -0

They become low cost whores.

-4
free-will-of-choice -4 points ago +2 / -6

Exactly. Whore in terms of consenting to a false authority of those who offer, and low cost based on ignoring ones own sole authority over self (free will of choice) being able to freely evaluate all offered.

If you do a transaction...do it a) within reality and b) always haggle to find balance aka adhere to the senses adapting to each others choices of evaluation.

2
TheImpossible1 2 points ago +2 / -0

This person's comments always make me feel a mix of confusion and frustration.

I feel like they deliberately put their point across in the most convoluted and overly academic manner possible.

2
evilmathmagician 2 points ago +2 / -0

I can enjoy some esoteric rhetoric, but it's over the edge for what I can handle. Having unique local posters is neat, but this style is overboard in autism.

My best good faith interpretation is that the intention is to encourage careful analysis of word choice and the search for meaning where most wouldn't bother. I'd ask them directly, but then I'd be responsible for reading their reply and trying to make sense of it.

-4
free-will-of-choice -4 points ago +1 / -5

academic manner

Does academia challenge one to think for self or to act in the name of what they want one to believe in? Could then the latter cause one to lack comprehension of what all perceived means; as in being "confused and frustrated" when not being told what to believe?

put their point across

What if it isn't about information utilized to get a point across (truth/false); but about adaptation to inspiration in adherence to natural law (if/then)?

Instead of evaluating what is written by means of reason (truth versus false); how about using implication (if/then) on it to see if it would help building ones own comprehension?

possible

What if you represent ONE potential within ALL potentiality offered; but are tricked to ignore it by believing others?

This person's...their point

Indeed. ONE within ALL emitting ALL outwards to each other ONE. A singular within the plural. Then again...how could the belief in individual ownership not contradict collective coexistence?

frustration

What if reality (motion) rewards effort; while using frustration aka the consequences of ones attempts at struggling to sustain ONEself within ALL; represent both inspiration for self sustenance and temptation to ignore it?

What could I write to make another ONE not choose by free will of choice to ignore self sustenance within ALL; when simply reading text makes him confused and frustrated?

Need over want; inspiration over information; and implication over reason...you have the choice; I already act upon it in adherence to self sustenance.

3
MetalGearMk4 3 points ago +3 / -0

What the fuck is with all the bikes in space though

3
Fact 3 points ago +3 / -0

I am perfectly fine with this, AS LONG AS, the men's bicycling bundle costs 27% more to unlock.

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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0