"Our numbers are the exact same as Canada's authoritarian death camps because we're being extra safe with the masks."
"Our numbers are the exact same as Sweden's doing-shit-all because... uhh... They report their numbers differently than us."
"What do you mean these illnesses naturally go down in summer and winter, and spike in spring and fall? It was totally our iron fist fisting the public that made the difference!"
By blaming Republicans and Red States of course.
"You can reopen if you wear 14 masks at once."
"Our numbers are the exact same as Canada's authoritarian death camps because we're being extra safe with the masks."
"Our numbers are the exact same as Sweden's doing-shit-all because... uhh... They report their numbers differently than us."
"What do you mean these illnesses naturally go down in summer and winter, and spike in spring and fall? It was totally our iron fist fisting the public that made the difference!"